The Connection : #FridayFictioneers
For Ron, it’s a challenge to make ends meet, so a personal phone is totally out of question.
His girl friend, Anna lives in Johor Bharu, while he lives in Singapore. At 7, every day evening, Ron goes to the nearest MRT station to call her. A time they both look forward to and cherish, every single day.
Today when he calls Anna, a male voice answers the phone, “Hello!”
Surprised, Ron mumbles “Can I speak to Anna please.”
“Sorry, but Anna died in a car crash last week. I’m her brother Andrew here. Who’s this?”
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Word Count: 100
Writing for our lovely host, Rochelle Wisoff-Field’s Friday Fictioneers.
Read some fantastic entries to this week’s Friday Fictioneers here.
44 thoughts on “The Connection : #FridayFictioneers”
Spooky…
I got it. Thanks for making the reader stop and think. If you make it too obvious it’s almost insulting to the reader (just my opinion).
Hi Russel, exactly what I feel. Certain stories need to be left for the reader to decipher. Why do you think I didn’t tweak it after all the comments I received below.
Thank you for reiterating the same
Sometimes we read what we expect, you will have caught many of us out. It was a lesson several teachers tried to get me to understand,
Guess so Mike
I got it–wondered–went back to read again. Very clever.
Thank you Linda
Oh, no! That is spooky! Ghosts at play here, it seems. Lovely take on the prompt, Natasha.
Thanks dear Esha
It was beautifully spooky… My take for the ending is ” she died last week, we had prayer service today”… that’s how she was not on the other side of the phone…
If he called her every day, he’d have known she was dead earlier isn’t it?
Yeah, he was talking to her ghost that’s why he didn’t know…
Oh I din’t know that either!
Confession – I did not get that she was a ghost until I read through the comments and re, re read the story. It is dfinitely there, though. Not sure how you can make it clearer – some snippet of the last conversation they have? ‘Just the day before, Anna had told him …’ before going onto introduce Andrew. Tricky to conjur spooky, atmospheric and twist in the tale in 100 words. Really creepy idea though.
Lynn actually I’ve conjured spooky tiny tales in 50 words. I just wanted my reader to think this through. Guess I caught most off gaurd
ohho no… why kill Anna! That was a nice ghostly twist at the end 🙂
Thanks Raj
That’s a beautiful story, Natasha .
Thank you dear Moon
My pleasure , dear Natasha.
Thank you Moon ❤️
I did notice the time gap. But, initially I thought it is a typo. But now, reading it again, it is spooky.
I re-read your story just for this query. My take is I was not able to deduce it rightaway because I felt that their daily ritual could have been fleshed out a little more. And it would have been a little more effective if Anna was the one calling him and on that day she didn’t, so Ron calls her to find out and hears a male voice answering it. I feel this would have made the final twist a little more chilling. Just my two cents.
Interesting perspective indeed Varad. Thanks a ton, makes sense
Intriguing! Like several before me, I’m wondering who he was talkiing to in the days before. Clever.
Click to read my FriFic
Oh sad! no Anna..
Lata read the story carefully. There is something spooky about it too…
A ghostly tale of phoning from the other side. I wonder why she stopped being able to receive his calls…
Hello Kelvin, I’m so glad someone got the gist of the ghostly and sad ending.
I think she stopped receiving his call on the 7 th day because she wanted him to know she was gone.
Oh, that HURT! Very sad. Nice work this week, Natasha.
Hello did you realise Anna was dead and it was her ghost that spoke to him, till the 7 th day, when the brother answered telling him she was gone?
Ah! Cruel fate. That was tragic. Well done, Natasha
Varad hello Anna was dead and speaking to him as a ghost too.
Yes she was! My bad, I read the everyday as every week.
no sweat, just realised many of my readers didn’t get it. Wondering why ?
Oh, No!!! that is so tragic…beautifully written in 100 words..loved it.
Hey Balaka! Thanks but were you able to gather that Ron was speaking to Anna’s ghost for 7 days before he found out?
Oops no…I couldn’t make that out…
That’s a sad phone call… 🙁 Nice snippet of drama.
Iain I’m wondering if you got the gist that Ron was actually talking to Anna’s ghost for 7 days after she passed away? I’m not sure if most of my readers were able to cue on to that
I did wonder about that, it wasn’t entirely clear, maybe if allowed more words you could hint at it to give a little clue.
I didn’t want to make it obvious. Wanted the reader to deduce