I Forgive and I Flow

 

Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

 

“May all beings everywhere be happy and free and may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.”

(translation)

 

This chant embodies a deep rooted will to forgive my impetuous thoughts, those acerbic words of mine; spilled out in moments of despair, those rash actions taken on an impulse; and that of those around me. Ones that have caused me deep anguish and pain.

I believe, it is only but recently that I have finally forgiven myself and been able to truly forgive others too. Someone rightly said, “Forgive yourself first, before you can forgive others”. I am slowly but surely learning to let go, and flow.

Having practised Ho’ponopono, the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer for over two years, I noticed how it helped me mend a few broken relationships, but the one with myself took the longest to heal. Possibly I had not tried hard enough to forgive myself. I was always focussed outside of myself. I guess, as you start tipping your fifties and have lived half a lifetime; you realise all the happiness, all the peace that you could contain; lies within you. And not within anybody or anything else.

Here’s a bit of a backstory, on how I was able to truly and deeply forgive myself and those around me recently. Having said that, I suppose the layers will continue to peel off one by one. The angst may rear its ugly head again. But for now a certain sense of contentment and flow envelopes my being. I am at ease and peace, knowing I have struggled long enough.

It’s uncanny that I stumbled upon this chant, “Lokah Samasta Sukhion Bhavantu” on the first day of a workshop, I had enrolled into. I’ll take you on a little journey to tell you, how it’s tied to the act of forgiveness.

 

Morning Rituals that Pave the Way

Upon waking up each morning, I do not check my phone. Instead the self-discipline-seeking yours truly, chooses to plunge into gratitude, meditation and yoga. On most days, I would say. Yes, there are a few cheat days too when I wake up scrolling my feed. Those are mostly rare now. Thank God! For small mercies. It’s taken a lot of will power and resilience to get here. And I choose to “forgive” myself on days I falter. 

I wake up to a quick gratitude prayer, while gazing out of the glass door, into the powdery blue sky. Thereafter, I saunter into the bathroom. I swish and swirl the coconut oil in my mouth. For the uninitiated, it’s called oil pulling. While the oil does its work on my set of teeth in need of dire attention, I spend the the next 7-10 minutes, refilling water for the birds and decorating their feeding bowl with juicy, green grapes. I then open the doors to the terrace and say good morning to my plant family, while the human family sleeps on, lost in their deep morning slumber. Mishka, our younger furry child trails around me. I give her a squishy-mushy hug a couple of times. Laila, on the other hand is fast asleep on the DH’s feet, but still gives me a sleepy good morning lick.

I cherish this precious moment of quietude, at the crack of dawn, like no other. On some days I am woken earlier than usual; by the raucous calls of a peacock or two, or the twittering birds of dawn. The sky is still an inky black, ready to stealthily welcome the blue hour. On those days I meditate, while partially drifting into wakefulness and sleep. 

Uniting with Nature

By 6 am I have changed into my green yoga pants and tee, and I head out to the park downstairs. I walk bare feet on the soft, dew caressed grass, practising walking meditation. Once I am done, I choose a quiet spot and sprawl myself on the verdant grass, partially razed down by another brutal summer. I meditate and savour nature, as it continues to unfold a brand new spectacle of a day. The lone Garden Lizard gives makes for a jolly good company. It rotates its head assuming I’m not watching. His camouflage, he thinks has done a great job. Then suddenly we look into each others eyes, and there is this underlying communication that happens effortlessly.

“I see you,” she says.

“I see you too, and your are gorgeous.” I retort.

Ah! Well, thank you. Good day to you. Go back to meditating now, will you!” She says with a sparkle in her beady eyes. 

Both of us continue to cherish our spaces and quietude, thereafter. 

 

Paving the Way – Lokha

Once I am done meditating and connecting with nature and its beings, I practise yoga with due diligence. 

I walk back home to our tower. On some days, I make a pit stop at Afzal’s store for coconut water, fruits and vegetables. 

Upon my return home, I sit on the terrace, surrounded by our heat quenched plant family, begging to be watered. I sip on lemon grass ginger tea, or Bael (wood apple) sherbet. 

I don’t look at my phone before 8/8:30 am. Sometimes beyond 10 am. It stays on DND mode. When I do, I check my Whataspp messages and Instagram feed (just the first three-four posts at max – and I ask the universe to give me a message). 

Last Tuesday, Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu landed on my feed as the first message. I will be eternally grateful for this chant. For over a year and a half I have been looking for a chant; one that is all encompassing. I do love chanting to various Buddhist and Hindu mantras; but this one slipped into the aura of my being and fit like a snug, furry (err! fuzzy) glove.

 

On Forgiving and Flowing

This Vedic chant embodies my desire to not judge myself, and others. To love every being and every situation unconditionally. Even the toughest and the most brutal ones.

“Kill everyone with your kindness”, someone said.

I’ll add to that, “Kill yourself with kindness too.” 

It helps to forgive myself of all the messy thoughts/mindless chatter, harsh words I’ve uttered, and thoughtless actions that I may have taken in the past. As a child, a teenager, a young adult, a wife, a mother, a writer, a professional, a friend, a woman/sometimes an abla naari – ufff! (Abla Nari is used disparagingly, humorously or ironically, as the Hindi equivalent to a helpless women.)

It comes as a reminder to be pure in my words, thoughts and actions. Honestly, if you are thinking about the goody-two shoes agenda; well, this chant does not put any pressure on me to be extra nice. I’ve done this drill while practising Buddhism for 8 long years. It truly and authentically embodies who I am as a person, and also who I wish to be till I live on this blessed, blue planet. 

Rumi says, “We are all walking each other home.”

Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu is a befitting tribute from grace to not just my soul, but everyone else who crosses my path, or even doesn’t.

Forgiveness, always has comes easy to me. Yet, I realised there are broken parts of my being- fractured by the ways of life. Despite trying hard, practising various healing modalities, journaling, talk therapy; I have often struggled to forgive and let go. 

 

 

Flowing with Forgiveness

But something has shifted in the core of my being.

Having said that there are no guarantees when the mind will rebel against my soul’s calling. Again I will find it hard to forgive people, situations, and myself. Who knows when, I “might “ give in to the incessant, warped chatter of this overtly thinking, anxious mind. Yet, I know for sure, that I will have it in me to even forgive that chattering mind. I will choose to make peace and let go. I have learned to bless, forgive, love and let go of thoughts, people, situations that no longer serve me. Ones that are  not tied to me and my universe, any longer.

I’ve seen life being snuffed away in fraction of seconds. Especially in the last 4 years. I have realised life is indeed fragile, hanging on a gossamer thread; ready to snap on us any moment. Therefore, I now choose to forgive, thank my breath and the past for being a wonderful teacher. I choose to live this moment like there won’t be any another and flow with the ebb of life. 

 

Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.”

—Paul Lewis Boese

 

In another news:

Natasha Musing was listed among the Top Blogs of India 2022, third year in a row. 

Deeply grateful for all the love and trust reposed on Natasha Musing.

 

 Natasha Serenity Sinha

Summer of 2022

 

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